Welcome one and all to the new column! I would like it to be as good as a Gary Crosby throw, but in fact it’s as helpful as a Gary Charles back-pass! Nevermind. There will be no framework for this column, and I may be susceptible to wondering off the point, but if it keeps you entertained during your lunch hour, then we are off and running.

As I write this, all things Forest are going pretty well. New manager, new team, new enthusiasm, I could go on and on but I think what is striking everyone is the quality of football which is on show. It reminds me of the kind of stuff played in the late 80’s early 90’s before everything went a bit shit, so to speak.

What’s floating my boat at the moment is the shit the sheepshaggers have landed themselves in! Top class! It’s clear to see that Todd and his boys have been spending a bit too long in the REAL Derbyshire, shagging far too many sheep, which has left the players absolutely knackered come matchdays! All this talk of sheep reminded me of this conversation I overheard from two Derby fans on leaving the pub one night. It went something like this:

Derby Fan 1: “All that drink has left me feeling a bit randy you know, I could really do with a jump!”
Derby Fan 2: “Oh yeah, well as it goes, that field over there was where had my first jump, it was an experience, I’ll say that, infact, it was brilliant!”
Derby Fan 1: “What made it so special mate?”
Derby Fan 2: “Well I did it in front of her mum”
Derby Fan 1: “You didn’t, get away, I’m not having that, what did she say?”
Derby Fan 2: “BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA”

Scandalous I know, but what can you do!

The other day, I was asked if I wanted some rice puddling, which triggered a thought. I wonder what Brian Rice is doing at the moment. That energetic left winger bought from Hibs is something of a legend, yet this is quite remarkable as he was complete poo. Strange how talk of the great man never fails to raise a smile in Tricky conversations across the land, yet talk of other crap such as Gary Crosby draws such resentment and anger from us Reds. I suppose Ricey sporned the classic “Number one is Brian Rice.......” maybe thats the key, poor old Crosby has just drifted into the stands, very much like a Des Lyttle cross! I think we were all a bit harsh on little Gary. Fair enough, he was shit, but he did have an O-Level in woodwork, a cheeky smile, and a throw as deadly as a tomahawk missile! Maybe the sight of the sexiest man in football made all Trickies feel a bit inadequate on returning to there wives and girlfriends after the match, or was it the fact that we were all better than him and the type of whimsical fart often expelled at the tail end of a curry would be sufficient to knock him over?! I think so!

So what have we all got to look forward to. Well, Saturday is pencilled in for a classic. Millwall away should be interesting to say the least. The last time Forest played down there, you were considered lucky if car wasn’t charcoal come 5 o’clock! On the pitch, well what a game! Both needing points for promotion, the bald one we once loved popped up with a late header for a valuable point. The highlight for me was undoubtedly the Millwall fan coming on the pitch to confront Collymore and apparently saying: “This is Millwall, you can’t do that down here.” Hilarious all the same, especially the sight of a gleeful Stan giving the team with fans at the forefront of football violence for many a year the 'come on' after making it 1-1.

After visiting the Den, I have a nice little trip across London to Shepherds Bush to see the quality that are Turin Brakes. Anyone in possession of there debut album The Optimist LP will know what I mean when I say I am looking forward to it. Should be a top day. Perfect scenario would be: Beer's good, trains run on time, avoid coins/fists/darts etc thrown by the ‘Wall, Forest win, decent gig. Am I asking for a lot? Didn’t think so!

After that we’ve got Watford which should prove less exciting. Last season was a big let down, losing to such rubbish hurt. However despite losing 0-3, us Trickies made a racket whereas the Hornets (or whatever this two bob club call themselves) were silent! Very odd.

Anyway, thanks for your attention, you can go back to work now, or whatever your doing, and I’ll be back to fill your lives with happiness and a sense of well being shortly. In the meantime, here’s to the continuing rise of Paul Hart’s Red n White Army.