Usher of the court: All
rise.Enter Judge Robert Wollaton
Usher [to the defendant]: Please state your full name and occupation.
Paul Hart: My name is Paul Wilberforce Hart and I am the first team manager of Nottingham Forest Football Club.
Judge Robert Wollaton: Paul Hart, you have been charged with the crimes of allowing Nottingham Forest to be dragged into a relegation battle and allowing the club's star names to leave for a pittance. These charges carry a minimum sentence of sacking and ten year's unemployment if this court finds you guilty. How do you plead?
Hart: Not guilty.
Judge: Ok, well would the prosecution like to give their opening remarks?
Jeremy Radcliffe for the prosecution: Thank you, m'lud. [To the jury] This man you see before you, this solemn-looking character, has a lot on his mind. His team is struggling in the league and the pressure of the job is getting to him. His career is subject to endless speculation and his position looks more fragile by the day. But what is really making this man depressed is his internal guilt.
Ladies and Gentlemen of the jury, as you will see over the next few days, this man feels guilty inside because he knows he is failing. He is failing to keep his team in a position where they can challenge for promotion and he is failing to keep hold of the players who are the future of the club. What's more, deep down he knows that his heart is not in the job and he will leave at the first opportunity that arises.
William Snenton for the defense: Ladies and Gentlemen of the jury, Paul Hart does not feel guilty at all. He feels proud, and rightly so. Proud of his track record and proud of what he has achieved as manager of Nottingham Forest. Last season he took the team to the brink of play-off glory, true testament to his talents.
You will hear evidence to show that Paul Hart is not responsible for the club's decline in fortunes. The guilt here lies not with Mr Hart, but with other parties involved in the club and circumstances beyond his control. Paul Hart is innocent and deserves the chance to prove himself.
Judge: Thank you. Are we ready for the first witness?
Prosecution: Yes m'lud, we would like to call Joe Average.
Usher: Call Joe Average.
Mr Average, a middle-aged man, enters wearing a Red football shirt.
Prosecution: Mr Average, are you or are you not a supporter of Nottingham Forest?
Joe Average: I am indeed. 30 years, man and boy.
Prosecution: Where were you on Saturday, December 13th?
Average: I was at Selhurst Park, South East London watching Forest play Crystal Palace.
Prosecution: And what was the result of this football match?
Average: We lost one-nil.
Prosecution: Crystal Palace are not a very good team by my understanding. Is this correct?
Average: Yeah, before we played them they were in the relegation zone and behind Derby!
Prosecution: Indeed, so losing to them cannot have been a good result for Forest. How would you describe the way Forest played last Saturday, Mr Average?
Average: Absolutely bloody diabolical! It was the worst performance I've ever seen in all my years following the Reds.
Prosecution: I see. And do you know whom you blame for the poor level of performance in this game?
Average: I certainly do.
Prosecution: Is that man in the court today? Could you please point him out?
Joe Average points towards the defendant. The jury gasps.
Prosecution: Could you please explain to the court why you blame Mr Hart for the poor performance of the team at the weekend?
Average: Well for a start, his tactics were all wrong. We never looked like scoring. We were so short of ideas up front that we could play all week and not score. The formation didn't work and he didn't make the substitutions he needed to soon enough.
Prosecution: Thank you, Mr Average.
Judge: Would the defense like to cross-examine the witness?
Defense: Yes m'lud. Mr Average, you said that the performance by Nottingham Forest last Saturday was the worst you've ever seen…
Average: Yes.
Defense: But you've been supporting Forest for 30 years. Surely this couldn't have been the worst performance you have ever seen?
Average: Well, erm…
Defense: You were a fan during the David Platt years, were you not? What about the three-one drubbing at home to Huddersfield? And when Forest played Crystal Palace three years ago they lost three-nil - surely that performance was worse?
Average: Well, I suppose…
Defense: And before that, did you not witness Big Ron's time as manager? I recall Forest losing 8-1 to Manchester United in 1999. Is this not the case?
Average: Yes, but…
Defense: So are you seriously expecting the court to believe that a game in which Forest lost by a single goal, with one player sent off, was a worse performance than a game in which they lost by seven goals?
Average: No, but…
Defense: I think we're suffering from a major case of over-reaction here, Mr Average. [To the judge] No more questions, M'lud.
Judge: Does the prosecution have anything more to add?
Prosecution: Yes, M'lud. I'd like to show the jury exhibits A & B.
The usher shows members of the jury exhibits A (a copy of the Division One league table) and B (Nottingham Forest's recent list of results).
As you can see from these two pieces of evidence, Forest's form of late has been rather poor. The team has not won in any of their last nine games and currently lies in 15th place in the league. This league position shows signs of major decline from last season when the team finished 6th.
The manager must take responsibility from this decline. As we have heard from the witness, it is his errors in judgment that have led to this decline. In these dire circumstances, who couldn't forgive the witness for exaggerating a little bit? The point is, Forest are under-performing and the defendant is to blame.
Defense: We intend on presenting evidence to refute this claim later in the proceedings, M'lud, but for now the defense rests.
Judge: Well I think I've heard enough for today. We shall continue this tomorrow.