This cartoon isn’t funny anymore
27/02/04 | by Carl Blackborow

Since the convincing 3-0 victory over Burnley way back in September Forest have plunged from the summit in a nosedive that Wile E. Coyote himself would have been proud of. The resounding whistle as the unfortunate wild dog plummets to the floor and lands in a mushroom of smoke resembling the demise of our great club.

Not content with being stuck in the bottom three, the rock that can be relied upon to fall on Wile E. Coyote as he lies prostrate on the floor finishing him off, relate to Derby. A vast waste of nothingness falling with a smash upon our heads, knocking out of us any remaining dignity, self worth and pride.

If events carry on in this same vein then we can expect the irritating, infuriating ‘beep beep’ of the Roadrunner, Bradford City, as they duly bypass the fallen and lifeless corpse.

An ACME rocket was what was needed. Strap it on and we will duly shoot up the table before exploding in an end of season self-destruction, when it won’t matter anyway. The sacking of poor Paul Hart was the answer, apparently. Big Joe Kinnear, who through no fault of his own, steps into the shoes and Nigel Doughty ignites the fuse.

The rocket seemed to be working. The first 45 minutes of Kinnear’s reign saw it peter out slightly, but came back in the second half to give the crowd a fireworks show that hasn’t been seen in these parts for a long time. No win, but all things considered, like suicidal defending, not to mention suicidal fans, and King AND Taylor scoring in the same game, well, we’ll take the point and be on our way past the Saddle Bags in a couple of weeks.

With our ‘star man’ Marlon King finally showing the Nottingham crowd he is probably worth the money after all, a tricky trip a few junctions up the M1 to Rotherham was not exactly the toughest tie from our remaining fixtures for Joe’s first away match. 

Who knew, Marlon may finally have found his shooting boots. Taylor might be buoyed by his first ever international goal. Danny Sonner, being with the Northern Ireland squad, might have picked up tips on what to do with the ball when in possession. Andy Reid might pass it. Darren Ward might actually command his penalty area and claim the high balls. And the fans can tuck into a flying bacon sandwich.

Millmoor. A desolate waste of scrap, thrown together to disguise as a football ground. The alley down which you go to enter the turnstiles just the start of another trip as appealing as a windy, wet Saturday afternoon in Cardiff.

After starting reasonably well, Rotherham did everything but score. The Forest defence held firm magnificently as Des and the return of Michael Dawson bolstered the leaks from the Walsall game. John Thompson slotted into midfield in place of injured Gareth Williams, he always looks more assured there anyway, and Gunnarsson came in at right back for the injured again Matthieu Louis-Jean.

Whilst Des and Dawson coped well with the aerial threat of Butler and the trickery of Michael Proctor, who was so theatrical the Bard himself would have been proud, they couldn’t cope however with the woeful decisions of Graham Laws, the clown disguised as a referee. Baggy pants, braces and a red nose would suit this man more than Bongo and Pennywise any day.

Shaun Barker handles in the Forest box, obvious Forest free kick, thought everyone but Lawsy. “I know what will be fun; let’s have 5 minutes debating the decision after I give a penalty.” The assistant referee, word ‘assistant’ being pivotal here Ronnie Moore, flagged and told Lawsy what he could duly do with that decision. Sigh of relief.

Lawsy didn’t like being shown up though, so he gave Forest nothing for the remainder of the game. The decisions he did give to Forest, both of them, were greeted with ironic jeers, though he did book Dawson after Proctor felled him by – in the match programme words of Ronnie Moore “creative falling’. Take that to mean diving like a tit in front of Dawson.

Awesome now misses the away tie at Gillingham next Saturday for picking up five yellow cards. Bet Kinnear’s a happy man.

It was no surprise when the Millers knocked one in, the lively Monkhouse cutting in from the right after picking up Proctor’s cross and plonking it beyond Darren Ward, but not before a golden moment from goldenboy King.

Anonymous all game he somehow failed, from two yards, to convert Andy Reid’s wicked left wing cross that eluded Taylor’s head and ran to the back post. King was unmarked and only needed to run in and nod home, but such is his sense of anticipation and ability to read the game, he had stopped his run and arrived 5 minutes late.

The goal was like a smack in the face for Forest, who just didn’t seem to know how to come back this time. John Thompson started the ball rolling as he smashed a 25 yard drive inches wide with Pollitt rooted to the spot. Sub Eoin Jess then found Pollitt inspired as his 20 yard volley was expertly parried away by the Rotherham stopper.

Just as injury time approached in stepped Marlon King. The best thing he did all game was too hold up the ball from his marker, swivel him brilliantly and fire it into the near post. The Rotherham defence stood and left it to Pollitt, who left it to the defence. They looked on in bewilderment as Eoin Jess slotted in and sent the fantastic army of Forest fans into ecstasy. 

Another point, another goal. Still in the bottom three but with the Gills on Wednesday night, surely now, we would be able to find a way out of the mire. After a spectacular start, the fireworks from the ACME rocket were beginning to sputter.

Due to everyone getting in for a mere £10, causing much angst amongst season ticket holders, the crowd neared 26,500. A healthy attendance on a freezing night in front of the Trent. The atmosphere though was somewhat lacking, maybe the intensity and heavy nature of the game polluted the fans minds, but it was rather quiet considering the numbers.

Forest started as you were at Rotherham, though Taylor was in from the start for Michael Chopra, who was largely lost in the physical battle of Millmoor. They came out to a rapturous reception and the ‘all tickets a tenner’ policy even coaxed out some of Gillingham’s fans, about 15 of them.

I don’t know what Joe put in their tea but Forest started like a house, or a Forest, on fire. An Andy ‘where’s my neck gone’ Impey cross was collected by Bossu, the Gills stand in keeper who stood about ten feet tall, under a challenge from Taylor. The ball fell from his grasp, the referee surprisingly let play continue and Taylor was left with an open goal to shoot into. Except a bloody defender got in the way to clear it from the gaping certainty of a goal. 

It is glaringly obvious that Gunnarsson isn’t an orthodox right full back and the runs of Louis Jean were sorely missed. It meant that everything was coming through Forest’ left channel and Reidy was trying his best but not even he can take on the whole of the Gills defence. Rogers offered support and the Gills defence seemed to be terrified as Tank ploughed forward. When he did get sight of goal, he also found a Gills defender stubbornly throwing himself in front of the Rogers Rocket.

Against his former club you would think that Marlon King would have wanted to impress. After the opening ten minutes where he ran and tormented a couple of defenders and was thwarted, he decided that he probably couldn’t do it and largely gave up. In the second half he flashed a vicious shot wide that made us all think he was going to relight the fuse and he again curled one into the stretched 15 foot long arms of Bossu. The Gills fans applauded him before the game and booed him throughout. I can’t help think that certain sections of the Forest crowd felt the same way.

The introduction of Eoin Jess added a little more creativity and he threaded Marlon through, who went too wide and Bossu saved at his feet. I don’t think the nickname ‘Trigger’ will apply to Marlon, not for the remainder of this campaign anyway.

Jess himself found himself in acres of space as he was sent through to face Bossu, and he either wanted to surprise the keeper by firing early or plain old panicked, his first time shot straight at Bertie Bossu, when a little more composure may have been a better answer.

Gillingham could and should have taken all the points when Mamady Sidibe, who had been beating Des in the air for fun, showed he had more than aerial ability by firing hard past Ward, only for his shot to cannon off of the post and bounce along the line to safety. 

An impressive player for the Gills was Patrick Agyemang, a bargain £150,000 buy from basement boys Wimbledon. At not even a quarter of King’s fee, Gillingham must be laughing all the way to the bank, as Agyemang taunted the Forest defence with his pace and skills. I think the magic was contained in his snazzy blue boots. 

So the game finished 0-0. We are still in the bottom three. We are still 2 points behind Derby. We don’t have a game in hand anymore. We still haven’t won in 142 matches. We failed to score again, but Gillingham's stubborn defence and impressive giant keeper had a little more to do with that than in previous weeks. 

But let’s look on the bright side, we have Bradford on Saturday. Last time we won in the league was at Valley parade, when Leicester were beating Wolves 3-0 at half time and we all know what happened there. On Saturday, Leicester face Wolves. The omens certainly look good, even if our strike force doesn’t.

We can give Michael Branch, the cheating scouse git, more stick for his outrageous goal at Molineux. And as I write Forest hope to have Nicky Barmby on loan from Leeds United until the end of the season. Only a few years ago, this man was in the England side that destroyed Germany 5-1. 

Despite my sarcasm and criticisms, despite taking only three points off of Coventry, Walsall, Rotherham and Gillingham in our make or break month and despite the Warner Bros. cartoon analogies, Joe Kinnear seems to have a knack of making me feel at ease with our situation. I will never accept it, but here we are. 

Big Joe is obviously up for the challenge. It is time for the players to realise it too, before the ACME rocket is replaced by a rickety catapult that only fires you one way.
Straight down.

As ever, any comments to: carloscaminos@hotmail.com