Once upon a time in the East Midlands
20/09/04 | by Ian Widdowson

Has anyone seen the adverts for the new show on Sky One called Deadwood? Upon seeing the title, fans could be confused into thinking this is in fact a documentary about Nottingham Forest. Mind you, they wouldn't be that far from the truth...

Deadwood is actually a Western about a lawless town run by an unforgiving, uncaring and unyielding corrupt outlaw who only wants to make profit from people visiting the town with the promise of work and advertising gold in the hills! The focus point of the town is a saloon, run by an old, lying, cheating landlord who happily misleads the residents in believing there is gold out there just waiting to be found. So they keep looking as they continue to drink his ale and he promises them if they keep spending money he will hire sexy girls to keep the men satisfied and happy! 

The town is in a decline and the residents turning restless as every day they come back tired, empty handed and looking for someone to blame, leading to the odd bar room brawl with bullets flying in every direction! Sky One promise this hard-hitting drama has exciting storylines to keep audiences  glued to their seats! 

On the other hand could Deadwood actually be an aptly named documentary called Forest: a club on the decline?

The club, run by what seems to the public an uncaring and unyielding chairman, advertised that they would do all they could to get this once proud club back into the Premiership. A scandalous claim, as they happily took our money and reneged on their promises. Even though the fans were wary of this latest campaign (as this was offered to them the previous season) they still faithfully brought into it and purchased Season tickets in their thousands! The fans worries though were confirmed as we are now currently in the worst start to a season since 1929. 

The problem is that our chairman (who has always kept a low profile) refuses to pacify and answer questions of the ever-growing restless public. He reckons a club shouldn’t fire all its bullets before the start of the season, but all Doughty has been doing is firing blanks! Now all we hear from the board is, "Don’t panic - the season is only eight games old". The board leaves the day to day running of the club to an ever-misleading manager who increasingly tries to keep the masses happy by saying sexy signings are on the way and hoodwinking them into believing tomorrow will be a better a day and results will come when everyone is fit! 

The problem when comparing the two is this gritty documentary is the same old story every week! As one of the many impatient fans, I believe we must sort this mess out now before it’s to late. You cant keep promising gold and deliver rubbish!

Also, coming soon to a cinema near you: after two successful franchises had a number one hit in the states with Alien vs. Predator, another movie combining two great films is going to hit our cinemas - Liar, Liar vs. Dumb and Dumber!

It’s all about a fictional football manager taking on the chairman of a once proud football club that has been freefalling for six seasons. Unfortunately, the film has been delayed as they are still casting for players!