Take the stage
05/01/05 | by Ivan Murfin

Ladies and Gentlemen, the fat lady has called the tune, is handed the song sheet and is about to take the stage. Welcome to the crowd-drawing, star-studded, award-winning pantomime that is Nottingham Forest – A Five Year Plan, directed by none other than Mel Brooks.

The only drawback is it's cost all us enduring Trickies the best part of three hundred quid or more and we have to watch the show through 46 agonising episodes.But, ladies and gentlemen, for your three hundred pounds you get: intrigue, sadness, despair, anger, humiliation, embarrassment and an acute desire to end it all!

Christmas and January is the historical time for pantomimes and they don’t come much better than this. Scene after scene we have been forced to witness dispassionate performances, inexplicably missing cast members and the appearance of others from lower down the bill. The star of the show, the wizard himself, Mr Joe Kinnear, has left for greener pastures, possibly on the Broadway of football pantomimes, the Premiership.

His understudy, Mr Mick Harford, takes up the lead role and with all the cunning of a fox is keeping us in suspense as to the ending, although recent results tend to give a little clue. This one time greatest of all the shows on earth, will soon be heading for smaller non-descript theatres around the country.

You can see it now: "At a theatre near you, two time European Champions, League Cup Winners extraordinaire, one time purveyors of the greatest sport in the world... we give you Nottingham Forest!"

Almost like the former world-boxing champion, who sees out his fading career in the back street boxing booths and fairgrounds, with the odd after dinner ‘one man show’, Forest will be paraded before the sons and daughters of Torquay United, Brentford, Doncaster and the like. "Who are they Dad, are they famous?" "No son, but they used to be."

The cast will change. For some members, the bulbs are just waiting to be switched on for their names in lights at far greater productions than this. Some will simply fade away and others will stay. Some will arrive, maybe just to say: "I was there, I was part of that club, although they weren't famous then, of course."

Or will the evil ones be defeated before it too late? As in all good pantomimes, will our hero come to our rescue? Like Robin Hood, will he rise and save the people of Nottingham from this tyranny? And for the fat lady, what song will it be? 'The Way We Were’? ‘Tthanks for the Memory’? Or ‘Someday my Prince Will Come’?

For those that are supposed to care, give us our club back and most of all give us our dignity back.