Put me out of my misery!
15/04/05 | by Alan Fisher

Before the Sheffield United game I was sitting in Casa enjoying the midweek ritual of bangers and mash and a couple of pints, resignedly discussing with my mates about the imminent game. The general consensus was, unsurprisingly, not optimistic, to say the least! We’d all witnessed the Plymouth game and expected the Blades to capitalise on our weakness to drive their own push for promotion. After a bit of philosophising, I eventually concluded that losing would probably be a good thing.

For one thing, it wouldn’t do the Sheep any favours in their own bid for a play-off adventure – but mainly because the sooner this season is over, the better. Whilst it’s rather criminal for me to have written us off before it’s mathematically inevitable, I’m not sure I could cope with the emotional rollercoaster of having my hopes raised again only to be dashed against the Brian Clough stand by eleven uncaring prima-donnas. Admittedly, 45 minutes of gormless Yaaarkshire folk chanting "scab" up at me did make me warm to the idea of wiping the smug looks from their faces and immediately after half time Kris Commons duly delivered a cracking header past the helpless Paddy Kenny.

Okay, so for all my talk of wanting to lose, I enjoyed that. I enjoyed that feeling we’ve had too little of letting yourself go; the complete abandonment and joy as you leap into the air and punch the sky. I particularly enjoyed smiling down upon the scowling hordes from Sheffield who were strangely silent for the next 20 odd minutes until they got their inevitable equaliser. And to be fair to them, they looked as though they enjoyed it almost as much as I enjoyed the opener.

Now the game is finished, I’m glad we didn’t wi. That sounds mental, I realise – but I really don’t have any faith left that we can pull off a miracle, so frankly the sooner that ( R ) appears after our name in the league table, the better. There is always the chance that we’ll win a couple of games – imagine if we beat Reading then Burnley, imagine the ludicrous optimism that will ignite in me! Then we’ll lose to QPR and Gillingham and get relegated anyway – I can’t hack it anymore! I’ve looked into the chasm of League One and, whilst it’s a terrible fate, it’s one which I think we can come back from (maybe not straight away, but if we can keep Megson at the helm our chances are increased). Plus, by holding the Blades to a draw we’ve not exactly helped them in their play-off cause.

All I really want is a magic clock to move the date forward to May. Let’s get this shit season over with and rebuild for League One. Let’s get relegated and then look forward to the opportunity to chant “PSYCHO!” at Des’ testimonial, before feeling a bit guilty that perhaps we should’ve greeted Des first! I’m not foolish enough to suggest that it will be easy next season – a chap on the forum suggested that relegation wouldn’t be that bad, after all, we’ll be the Man United of League One. Hmmm, so every team will want to beat us desperately, every set of fans will firmly believe we are a bunch of wankers and if we’re truly the Man United of League One we’ll end up finishing outside the top two, therefore entering the lottery of the play-offs. We all know how that can end!

Okay, so I’m kind of clutching at straws here. I’m not happy about getting relegated, but it’s something we all need to come to terms with – then we can mentally prepare ourselves for a baptism of fire into unfamiliar territory. Indeed, territory we have only ever encountered in our history for two seasons. And once again we’ll be making history – the first European champions to grace the third tier of the English league. Great, eh? Oh well, watch the awkward buggers prove me wrong and stay up now just to spite me!