Shareholders of the world – United’s take over
01/06/05 | by Nick Miller

As I’ve mentioned before, I am a filthy exile. I live and work in Manchester, which is a wonderful place, but it has a couple of obvious drawbacks. One is that they don’t know what a cob is up here – it’s barm cakes apparently, whatever one of those might be.

The other is Manchester United, whom, like most other well adjusted individuals, I despise with the fire of a thousand suns. I hate them because they assume that they should win everything by rights. I hate Alex Ferguson for a number of reasons, one of which is that my Nan doesn’t like him because “he’s always chewing gum”. And I make no bones about hating them because they are rich and successful. 

Now some of those closest to me are either United fans or sympathisers. Some of them I’ve even taken to the City Ground and they still won’t learn, although the judgement of some of these can be called into question – one of them thought that Davy Oyen was our best player (for anyone who cares, he’s now at a Belgian Second Division club called Beringen-Heusden-Zolder). 

You may think that the last couple of weeks have been delicious for me – seeing faces crumble as Mr Glazer eats away at another few shares. Unfortunately, I’ve been in the midst of a sea of campaigns, bleating and revolutionary statements from people who seem to be under the impression that they had any say in running their club in the first place.

Now, of course, I can see their point to an extent – Glazer is going to have to make fast money and one of the simplest ways to do that is by pushing up prices. He is also going to force an awful lot of debt on to a previously debt-free club. In fact, with the acquisition of the magic 75%, Malcolm Glazer’s debt is now Manchester United’s.

Therefore, the intentions of fans to withhold their business – to not buy shirts or renew their season tickets – in an attempt to force Glazer out are, well, moronic. They may very well force Glazer out – he may be forced to cut his losses and sell shares at a discounted price – and United fans can say the club is no longer owned by a ginger American. However, the debt will still be there – debt that will have to be cleared. So it seems to me that United fans should be doing everything they can to get as much money as they can into the club, so that the oodles of arrears can be wiped out as soon as possible.

I know this point has been made a lot in recent weeks, it is worth saying one more time that right now: Manchester United are owned by a Very Rich Man, looking to make as much money as he possibly can; whereas, a couple of weeks ago, they were owned by a number of Very Rich Men, looking to make as much money as they possibly could. Anyone who can point out the difference to me, please step right up. 

The point of this ramble is, as many a Grandma has said over the years – United fans don’t know they’re born. With the amount of complaining that has flown around my new home town in recent weeks, you would think that Glazer planned to burn down Salford, eat the first born of every supporter, then sell Rooney, Scholes and van Nistelrooy to City for a tenner.

They might not get to spend £30 million on a player this summer – well, I’m sorry if I don’t cry myself to sleep over that one. They may even go another year without winning anything – oh my sainted trousers, how will they survive? 

The worst that can happen that will actually, directly affect United supporters is that ticket prices might – OK, will – go up. And by the way, it is worth noting that the best seats at Old Trafford are £34, while Arsenal charge £68, Chelsea £48, Newcastle £47, and Crystal Palace – who were relegated - £55. Seems to me that United fans have been under-charged thus far.

Glazer may sell assets, but it isn’t in his interest to push his new toy up the creek. Success means happy fans; happy fans mean money; money means a happy Glazer. United will always be there and the way the league is structured, United will be successful for a long time. 

I find it hard not to laugh when United fans complain about losing in the Cup Final again. Bloody hell lads, get some perspective, please! This season Southampton have been relegated after 27 years, Leeds have gone from Champions League semi-finals to not even being able to beat us (twice) in a couple of years, and Wrexham, Cardiff and others have been clinging on to their very existence with increasingly flimsy fingernails. 

And then of course there is Forest. You knew I would get round to it eventually. Take a look at us. The first European Champions to drop into the Third Division. Suddenly that 3rd place and a Cup Final doesn’t seem all that bad, does it now?