The pre-season blues
01/07/05 | by Carl Blackborow

I f**king hate pre-season. I really do. It's bad enough when England are inevitably going to get knocked out of a quarter-final in the World Cup or European Championships, but at least there's a bit of a chaotic, patriotic, pissed up frenzy. What have we got this summer? Wimbledon. F**king Wimbledon? Strawberries and Cream? Henman Hill? Murray's Mound? Wonder if his girlfriend calls it that? Or the Confederations Cup. Australia vs Japan? Thrilling. How the bloody hell are Mexico above us in the World Rankings? Seriously. Mexico? Ranked in the top 5 nations in the WORLD. Are FIFA having a giggle?

So instead of the nation crying into our beers and smashing the hell out of our respective cities like the English hooligans FIFA insists we undoubtedly are, we are left to ponder the questions of the summer. Who will be the next Galactico? (Sit down, King). Who will be the next spectacular failure in Chelsea's frontline? (I told you to sit down, King). Will Rio sign for a paltry ninety grand a week? (If I give him the money, will he get his haircut?) Do Forest have enough midfield players or should we acquire some more before August is upon us?

I have become very cynical indeed over the past few weeks. The years have worn me down, sitting in my various seats at the City Ground, and I arrive back home from holiday, we have signed two players, and released one of our better ones. So good luck, Gregor, in all your future endeavours.

We all knew to expect it. 'Big' name signings are a thing of the past, we were forewarned by the excellent PR machine of NFFC. So what's new down at the Trent? The sexiest summer signing we have had in recent years was Andy Impey. I've still never got over the excitement of that, still pinching myself I am.

Remember the final game of last season? The spiteful but gleeful relegation of Gilingham. (How we all enjoyed that!) In the programme was an apology of sorts from the chairman. "Sorry, but we'll do our best to get back up straight away, as long as you stay loyal". And what incentive are we given to stay loyal?

A freeze on season ticket prices. What a fantastic gesture. The club put them up so they can rival Chelsea in extortionate ticket prices and with the concise aim of getting promoted, and we get relegated. So it makes sense, as a gesture of goodwill, to freeze the prices to our 'fantastic' support. 

And to top it off, if we do secure promotion from the third tier, season ticket holders who have renewed will be guaranteed that ticket price the following year. What an offer. Which effectively means, if we get promoted this year, then ticket prices are going up again for the return to The Championship. Bloody hell fire! I can't quite catch my breath. What a bloke. Cheers, Nige!

And then there's the new away kit. Roll right up for that one, because for about 40 quid, you too can look just like a Norwich fan. And don't even start with the irony that it is actually a 'Brazil' kit. I bet they're just honoured. Like watching Brazil? Yeah, just as it was when we drew comparisons to watching Inter for the past couple of years clad in the blue and black monstrosity. Marlon King? Adriano he ain't. Quite frankly he'd do more damage with a potato gun.

The thought of Marlon King still being around next year horrifies me. As does John Curtis. Who the hell does he think he is? Making the club and Megson, wait for an answer so he can see what comes along? Hardly shored up the defence last year did he? If he signs, I hope he proves me wrong.

I knew what to expect this summer. The revolving of the exit door maybe more painful than the excitement provided by the entrance, but it's still hard to get used to, and I don't intend to get acquainted with this league. I'm quite frankly miserable about the prospects of the summer, and the coming year, as are thousands of others. 

I don't intend to cheer up any either. When and if we get promotion, we'll all get leathered, and we'll all celebrate, but let's face it, it's nothing to brag about is it? Unless they get relegated too. Despite the negativity that coarses through my veins, I will end up with the Norwich shirt (follow Matthieu's example), my season ticket has been renewed and, sure as eggs is eggs, so has yours. That's the only injection of optimism I can currently muster.

Any particular gripes, mail me. I'm always happy to dish out abuse to anyone who disagrees with me: ForestGrump0506@hotmail.com.