Bah humbug! Hart is the manager who stole Christmas
22/12/03 | by Gladys Tidings

Christmas cheer is in short supply at the City Ground. Paul 'Scrooge' Hart has cancelled his players' traditional festive booze-up. "I just didn't think it was appropriate at the moment. We want to get a couple of wins first," he said. However, the staff party went ahead regardless and the manager has been accused of being a spoil sport.

The Ghost of Christmas Past said: "He was upset at last year's party because nobody got him any presents. So this year he's decided to ruin everyone else's holiday."

The Ghost of Christmas Present commented: "He's also told all the local shops not to sell the players any presents and put them all on a diet which forbids turkey and roasted chestnuts."

The Ghost of Christmas Future said: "He's gonna have to let them have a mega New Year's bash to make up for it or he could lose their respect forever."

Meanwhile, Santa Claus admitted that Hart on the verge of being crossed off his list: "He's been a very naughty boy and if he doesn't watch out, all he'll be getting is a sack of coals on December 25th! He most certainly isn't getting those new signings he asked for underneath his tree."

Mr Claus added: "Ho, ho, ho."

Further investigations have revealed the extent of Paul Hart's hate of Christmas. He recently visited as hospital where he stole presents from young children and dressed and cunningly pretended to be Santa. He also forced his players to beat helpless kids at computer games.