Football Oz Style
13/02/02 | by Richard Bagust

Hi,

I'm a Forest fan who got so fed up with mid-table Division One mediocrity I cleared off round the world. I decided to take in a game in Australia and to my surprise, it was fantastic. I'd like to share the experience with you.

Perth Glory 4 Brisbane Strikers 2
at Perth Oval | Attendance: 14,592

I can't begin to tell you how good this game was. Obviously I'm suffering withdrawal symptoms having not been to a game for half a year, but this whole experience was so good I just had to share it with you. Aussie football is not having a good time at the moment with the Socceroos not qualifying for the World Cup, but the National Soccer League however, is said to be growing by the season and from my experience they have much to be proud of. There are so many ex poms in Western Oz, evident by the number of British shirts going into the ground which has helped the game catch on. I saw a couple of sheep shaggers and one fox, but I was the only tricky red I could see on display. The standard of football is about equivalent to Div One or Two in England. I'm sure Perth could easily beat Notts County, but then again who couldn't ?

This was a match between top-of-the-league Perth Glory, coached by former Ipswich Town player Mitch D'Avray, and third placed Brisbane Strikers. It was a warm sunny evening at the Perth Oval, a small ground but picturesque under the sunset over the scyscrapers of the city. I went to the game with a group of aussies, one of which had warned me that if we stood on the terraces, known as 'The Glory Shed' we were likely to get covered in beer and that on a previous visit he had had someone piss all over his leg! I doubted his knowledge of British football when he told me that the fans like to sing all the Man United songs like 'You'll Never Walk Alone'.

It was like going back in time. The Glory Shed reminded me so much of my happy years stood in the Trent End in the mid eighties, except here you can drink beer on the terraces and it was warm! Even the songs were the same. The crowd came out with all the old classics such as 'The referee's a wanker', 'You fat Bastard' and 'You're shit and you know you are'. There was even the old 'right side; left side' banter that we used to do to relieve the half time boredom. But what really clinched it for me was that when one of the sheilas got up on someone's shoulders the crowd would kindly request "Get your tits out for the lads" and of course, this being Australia, they more than happily obliged, on several occasions!

After the pre-match cheerleaders and dance music, the Glory came out to the tune of 'Glory, Glory Perth Glory' and I prepared for kick off with a pre-match hotdog and a six cans of Emu Bitter. The crowd began to sing "You're just a bald headed bastard" at which point I tore myself away from my hot dog concerned that my arrival had been spotted, only to discover that the abuse was actually for Brisbane's keeper Jason Kearton (ex Everton).

The game got off to blistering pace with Perth skipper and veteran striker Bobby Despotovski (who also works cleaning tables in the local casino!) chesting down and volleying home masterfully from the edge of the box. Fortunately we had positioned ourselves away from the surging centre section but a big part of me wanted to be in there jumping around like the good old days. I wanted to get soaked in beer and pissed on - well maybe not but it looked good fun!

Brisbane quickly equalised with a stunning left foot free kick from ex-Glory star John Carbone who had taken no end of stick from the home crowd (think Shane Warne at a test match in England with reference to his favourite sexual position and you'd be on the right lines. )

Perth's own bald star wing-back, Matt Horsley, tore into Brisbane and set up Jamie Harnwell for Perth's second goal. The sheilas we were with returned from fetching the beers and gassing to each other about shoes and shopping, to enquire what the score was and what offside means.
"Thanks for the beers," I said, pretending not to hear and they returned to their conversation.

Brisbane equalised straight after half time thanks to a keeping error, but flying baldie Horsley soon had the Glory back in the lead. It was very entertaining end to end stuff and when top scorer Damian Mori smashed in Perth's fourth goal the crowd erupted to the tune of 'Let's go fucking mental' and more sheilas decided it was time to bare all. The game finished 4-2 and Brisbane were told in no uncertain terms to return to Queensland (a trip home of a about 3000 miles!)

Overall, a splendid evening of entertainment and a trip back into time to when football wasn't all businessmen, families and expensive tickets. Oh yes, and lots of tits! Up the Glory!

Richard Bagust (aka The Ghost of Peter Davenport)