New to the new-look LTLF, we look at some of the football stories you might have missed this week, including Derby fans being morons and Derby players being slandered.

Derbyshire Town

I’ve learnt several things about our sheepish neighbours this week. One is that apparently Derbyshire is a town rather than a county. Second is that their supporters are now calling themselves the Barmy Army, with the emphasis on BAA presumably. The third is that, as previously suspected, their supporters are idiots:

“Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to make a banner and remove all doubt.”

RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

Good news for those with ears – vuvuzelas could be banned nationwide due to health and safety regulations, according to a forum insider.

“The reasoning behind this is that Vuvuzelas can and regularly do exceed the decibel level where it is deemed that employees working in the environment would need personal protective equipment,” says Congo Red reporting on a pre-season stewards briefing.

Common misconceptions

The Steven Gerrard rumours turned out to be a load of rubbish (including the allegations about him being a world-class football player). One of the more outlandish suggestions was that his wife, Alex Curran, was having it away with a certain Derby County player well known to ourselves.

If you don’t know who the supposed cuckolder in this unlikely affair was supposed to be, this rather apt (and amusing) analogy from the WAGS World Cup site might give you a foody hint:

Why would Alex go for a Derby County player when she has Steven Gerrard? Surely that’s like having a Little Chef hamburger when you have a steak at home (no offence Little Chef)?!

Ronal-dad?

Gerrard’s alleged complicated love life is nothing compared to that of Cristiano Ronaldo who doesn’t even know who the mother of his new baby is.

Das Lego

It seems someone has been stealing LTLF ideas. I have to admit that the presentation of Lego Fussball is quite classy and the production values are high, but my jokes were funnier.

Signing off

That’s all for now. This feature will return on an irregular basis on the new-look LTLF, unless we get sued by any of the footballers mentioned above.