The Life of Brian’s Statue: Hello Sunshine
It was only a minute ago when this feller walked past me chewing gum. Then he spat it out onto the pavement. I felt like jumping down off my plinth and boxing his ears!! I hate that bloody stuff! It gets everywhere. I remember last summer I had so much of it stuck onto different parts of my anatomy, it felt like I was made of bloody blu-tack!
When the rain came down and washed it all off, I felt so much better, and my bronze coat got its lovely shine back.
Y’see, being stuck in the outdoors, I have put up with whatever weather I get. And it’s in the summer months that I end up being covered in all sorts of sticky mess.
I get chip papers wrapped around my head and then the early morning sunshine warms them up, wafting the smell of grease right up my nostrils.
I get kiddies lifted up onto the plinth and then they’re dripping ice cream all over my trainers – bless their little cottons…
I get flies buzzing around my head and landing on different bits of me to slurp up whatever they can find. I don’t like to think about that too much…
It’s a bit like sitting in the dugout as a football manager, watching your team, hoping they’re going to win, but not really able to do much about how they’re playing, not until half-time anyway.
These days I spend most of my days watching the world go by, and I also think about my life and the things I did. I’ve got plenty of time to chew things over.