Scientists have discovered a long-theorised but previously unidentified particle that goes some way to explaining the mysteries of the footballing universe.
The Hobbs-Boson is described as a crucial element of quantum physics that allows a footballer to be in two places at once and simultaneously have two contradictory transfer statuses.
Esteemed physicist Prof. Howard Ino told us: “We were starting to doubt the existence of the Hobbs-Boson, but finally our research paid off last week when we noticed that the defender Jack Hobbs was occupying several points in space and time at once.” [...]
The World Cup will be upon us before we know it. This means that four years of restless impatience is nearly at an end. It also means that discussion and speculation regarding Brazil 2014 is at an all-time high. Here’s our group-by-group preview complete with betting odds and predictions. [...]