The Life of Brian’s Statue: Me and my shadow
Well, judging by the things people say when they’re standing down below me, I reckon the feller who sculpted me must’ve made a pretty good job of it. Y’see he probably thought to himself, Hmmm, it’s Old Big ’Ead I’m working on here and he could’ve adjusted the sizes accordingly. I’m glad he got it right, even though I have to rely on what people say when they walk past to know whether I’m looking all right or not.
Y’see, sometimes, even though I see a lot of people hanging about, I do get a bit lonely. When some of the pretty young gals climb up and give me a smacker, it makes me blush a bit, but I’m not complaining – who would? But it’s not the same as having someone to come home to, like my wonderful wife, Barbara.
Y’see, I’m a people kind of person – I’m at me best when I’ve got one or two people around me – people who know what they’re on about. Like my old pal, Peter Taylor. We were one helluva double act, me and Pete.
Together we were like Brian Fantana and Ron Burgundy, like Morecambe and Wise, like Bob Hope and Bing Crosby or Batman and Robin, we took ‘em all on, and gave most of ’em a run for their money.
Now then, a little bird’s been singing, and I’ve heard that they’ve put up a statue of me and Pete outside Pride Park in Derby. So I think to myself, Bloody ’ell! There’s more statues of me springing up across the land than there is of any other bugger!
Then I think to myself, Well, there DEFINITELY won’t be any Brian Clough statues outside Elland Road. Or down in Brighton. Or outside Lancaster Gate.
I’m not jealous of the Derby statue though. Well, at least one of us has got a bit of company, eh? Y’see in my playing days, I was a bloody good striker – have I mentioned that before anywhere?
So, now there’s three statues of me in this land of ours I’m quite happy – I’ve got my hat-trick!