Severe mither warning issued in Nottinghamshire

LTLF Exclusive by Weather Correspondent, Gustav Wynde
December 29, 2014

People in Nottinghamshire are being warned to expect a fresh wave of mithering, moaning and malcontentedness to hit the county this week.

The region saw a flurry of groans, gripes and grumbles fall on Boxing Day, shortly after Nottingham Forest’s 3-0 defeat at Middlesbrough. Many travelling fans were caught in inches of severe criticism and forced to abandon their hope by the roadside.

This was followed by a particularly frosty reception to the Reds’ 3-1 trouncing at home to Birmingham that has left a certain manager on very slippery ground.

There is cold comfort for Forest fans at the momentAs a result, the Mit* Office has upgraded its mither warning from ‘slightly aflush’ to ‘red in the face’ and there is concern it could turn ‘purple with rage’ within the coming weeks.

*An abbreviation of ‘Moaning Git’

Deprecation expert Dr Mona Littlemore told us: “What we’re seeing here is the combination of high pressure sweeping in from the East and a low patience threshold that accounts for much of Nottingham’s complaining.

“The result is a hail of grievances, gusts of grousing and great puddles of bellyaching.

“In the past the authorities have been able to reduce the danger by spreading a thin layer of excuses over potentially treacherous subjects, but this influx of whining has taken them by surprise. There is also a real shortage of grit right now.”

As a result of the increased nagging, niggling and nit-picking, Forest fans have been advised to stay off social media and forums unless strictly necessary. If possible, they should also work from home to avoid mocking from co-workers who support other teams which will only increase the hazardous levels of dissatisfaction in the atmosphere.

Asked what the people of Nottinghamshire can expect from the coming weeks, Dr Littlemore said: “With the forecast showing a dry transfer window and a potential shitstorm if Forest lose to Rochdale in the FA Cup, fans should brace themselves for further downpours of carping, caviling and kvetching , with particularly scathing remarks expected on January 17.”